


Spring Nicht

by MutePoetess



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Depression, Don't Jump, Spring Nicht, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 23:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MutePoetess/pseuds/MutePoetess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of the popular Tokio Hotel music video "Spring Nicht" (and the English version "Don't Jump") this fic tells an interpretive story of the song: what might've led Bill to stand on a rooftop and contemplate ending it all and what might've happened next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction has a prologue chapter, six regular chapters, and then three alternate endings labeled "Ending 1: Bill", "Ending 2: Tom", and "Ending 3". Bill and Tom contain character deaths.

Bill took a deep breath and let out the last noted syllable of the night, holding it in a passionate sustain as the band finished the song. As the last encore ended, he closed his eyes for a second, his chest heaving with exertion from the performance. THe roar of the the crowd was deafening, but rather than bringing the post-show euphoria Bill had experienced in the earliest shows of his career, tonight it seemed only like noise. Nonetheless, he opened his eyes and gave the crowd that smile that made the fangirls swoon.

They walked off the stage at last, and Bill let the smile slide from his face. He headed to the dressing rooms with Tom, Gustav, and Georg laughing and cheering behind him. The newly international star pulled his dressing room door closed behind him, finally shutting out the noise of the fans, the tech people, and the world in general. Finally, silence. Bill stared at himself in the mirror for a second, hardly recognizing who he saw there; a twenty-something German rock idol whose fine features, passionate voice, and profound lyrics were idolized by millions of fans worldwide. To the mirror he flashed that swoon-inducing smile and the cringed at how fake it felt now. Was this really stardom? Living on the road, never being home, playing the same songs night after night for months? At first he had loved the gig. Music was his passion and being able to share it was a dream. But it had become so superficial. He was now ridiculously wealthy and girls everywhere wanted to be with him, guys wanted to be him. But for what? Bill doubted whether any of them understood the feeling of the lyrics, the music that was the lifeblood of the band. 

With a sigh, he changed into his street clothes and washed up. Then he walked out to meeet the rest of the band at the stadium's back door from which they would be picked up by their limo and escorted to their hotel. Georg, Gustav, and Tom were all still in high spirits and Bill began to wonder if even they understood the meaning of the music, or if they had become swept away in the fame and wealth like so many musicians at this level did. He was silent as they climbed into the back of the limo, pondering when all the feeling had gone out of the music.


	2. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfiction has a prologue chapter, six regular chapters, and then three alternate endings labeled "Ending 1: Bill", "Ending 2: Tom", and "Ending 3". Bill and Tom contain character deaths.

"Yes! That was our best show yet!" Tom cheered as the four cruised through the streets of the city in the back of their limo. Three of them had popped open cans of soda and were talking animatedly about their success. Bill alone was quiet, his chin resting on his hand as he gazed out of the tinted windows, still wondering if all the fame was worth sacrificing the meaning of power of the music.

"These American fans are really crazy," laughed Gustav, patting out a lively beat on the upholstery with his drumsticks. "Great crowd, really great crowd."

"Yeah, I thought half of the girls out there were going to pass out every time Bill walked onstage." Tom chuckled and elbowed Bill, knocking his twin out of deep thought. "Always the charmer, Billa, they go crazy for you."

Bill forced his mouth to smile and tried to laugh. "Ha ha, yeah..." he trailed off and returned to looking out the window. Outside of his gaze, Tom looked questioningly to Gustav and Georg, both of whom shrugged back, as confused as Tom by Bill's behavior. There was an awkward silence where the only sound was Gutav's drumsticks.

"Ah..." Georg started. "Why don't we celebrate? I don't want to go back to the hotel yet, let's go to a club or something."

Georg and Tom both smiled. "Yeah, that's a great idea," said Tom, who looked relieved that the merriment was starting to pick up again."

"I saw a place earlier today, it's only a few blocks from here," Gustav said excitedly. Dead in the day time of course but it looked like it should be pretty popular. Let's go!" 

"Sounds good," said Gustav. 

Georg turned and rolled down the divider between the band and the driver and gave him directions to the club while Tom and Gustav opened one of the compartments in the back of the limo where a stash of hats and sunglasses waited. They each picked out their favorites, putting on the makeshift disguises so they wouldn't be mobbed by fans. Bill, who hadn't been paying attention, didn't move. Georg threw Bill's favorite hat at him and started putting on his own. "Come on, Bill," he said, but the singer was still lost in thought.

"Bill," Tom said, a little louder. Bill blinked and looked at Tom, who slingshot a hairband at him. "Tie your hair back, come on, we're going to a club."

Bill shook himself out of his thoughts and forced another smile, sincerely trying to get into the celebrating mood. "Yeah, ok," he said, putting his hair back and putting on the hat. "Let's go."

They had the driver drop them off a block away from the club. Georg and Gustav got out first but as Bill went to get out, Tom stopped him. "Bill..."

"What?" Bill asked.

"Are you ok? You've been out of it since the show." Bill was surprised but then noted that his twin sounded as much annoyed as concerned. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, trying to sound cheery.

"You sure? 'Cause if you don't want to party, you can go back to the hotel." It was meant to be a concerned offer but coming from behind dark sunglasses, it sounded just as much like ''If you're going to bring down the mood, maybe you should go.''

It suddenly got a lot harder for Bill to smile but he did nonetheless, using his showman's training to appear every inch the party guy his brother wanted to see. "What are you talking about, Tom?" he asked, smiling brightly and slipping on his own sunglasses. "Come on, man, let's go." With that he climbed out of the limo, and Tom followed, watching him closely. The four headed down the street toward the club, still talking about the high and low points of the show, this time with Bill joining in.


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fanfiction has a prologue chapter, six regular chapters, and then three alternate endings labeled "Ending 1: Bill", "Ending 2: Tom", and "Ending 3". Bill and Tom contain character deaths.

The four walked into the club and immediately split off in different directions: Gustav and Tom dove straight into the swirl of dancing bodies, partying it up, while Georg wandered off to the biggest set of speakers he could find to just listen to the music. The maneuver was designed so that they'd be less conspicuous and less recognizable as Tokio Hotel. Bill, away from the watchful eyes of his enthusiastic bandmates let the smile slide from his face and went to stand by the bar. He wouldn't drink, he didn't feel like it, but instead he stood there with his back to the bar, arms folded, watching the dancing crowd through his sunglasses. A couple of giggling and very drunk girls stood to his left, while on his right a young couple vigorously made out. The air was thick with heavy bass rhythms and humid with sweat. 

Tom danced with several girls at once, being so popular for his charisma and energy, and Gustav danced along with them, just in it for the fun. Georg seemed to have struck up a conversation with a couple of people over by the speakers, though how they could hear anything over the music, Bill hadn't a clue. He could hardly hear himself think but he wondered if maybe it was better that way. His thoughts hadn't been too cheery and maybe a distraction was what he needed. He nodded his head to the music and let his eyes unfocus when the girl next to him bumped into his arm, spilling her drink across his sleeve. Bill's eyes widened in surprise but he wasn't particularly angry. 

"Ohmigosh," the girl slurred, giggling slightly as she attacked his sleeve with napkins. "I am sho sorry." She giggled more as her friend, just as drunk, scolded her. 

Bill just shook his head and took the napkins from her, cleaning it up himself. "Don't worry about it," he said just loud enough to be heard over the music. 

"I can pay for that!" the girl said loudly. Bill chuckled bitterly, thinking that at what the band had paid for their wardrobes, the girl would never be able to afford that, not that hewanted her to. "Don't worry about it," he said again with a small smile as he looked at her: she was certainly dressed for a night out in a sleek tube top and pencil skirt, and wedged sandals. She had long blond hair and blue eyes, and would have been pretty if she hadn't been drunk. Her friend, a brunette, was dressed similarly in bright neon colors and claimed only slightly more sobriety than the blond.

The giggled again and suddenly pressed herself closer to Bill. "If it makesh you smile at me like that," she giggled, "I might want to shpill more of my drink on you, you're cute." She beamed and laid her head on Bill's shoulder. For a second he was just shocked. Ladies were Tom's area, not his, and he had no idea how to respond to this inebriated girl who seemed only to be embarrassing herself. The brunette laughed at her blond friend and told her to have some shame, though it wasn't very poignant as she was nearly as drunk. 

Then the brunette circled around Bill and curled herself around his other arm, just as shamelessly as the blond. "You are cute," she said, smiling. "How about you take off those sunglasses? It's not very," she paused and hiccupped, then giggled, "sunny in here."

Bill struggled not to make a face as he pulled away from the girls. "Excuse me, ladies," he said, and left them giggling at the bar to go stand against the wall. He sighed and frowned as one of Tokio Hotel's songs came on, techno remix style. He rolled his eyes and watched as guys and girls all but groped each other on the dance floor, some drunk, most others high or tripping, and with most of the girls scantily clad. He hated it, it was disgusting. And that it was his music, a song he had put his heart into that was being used to fuel the lustful fire was even worse. When he wrote his songs, he'd meant for them to be enjoyed yes, but also truly listened to and understood. Not just as background noise for one-night-stand-hunting. 

The scent of hard alcohol and cigarette smoke made him sick to his stomach and he tried to signal to Tom that he was going to leave but his twin was completely into dancing and didn't notice at all. Bill sighed and turned, spotting an alley exit from the club and headed for it. Again someone bumped him, hard enough that his hat slid off and for a second his sunglasses pitched forward. The man apologized and then said, "Hey, aren't you-"

"No," Bill said, pushing past him and putting his sunglasses back on. With that he exited the club and took deep breaths of the dirty city air that seemed so much cleaner than the club's atmosphere. He could have called for the limo to pick him up (and his security would have preferred it as well) but he wanted to be alone, to think, so he turned in the direction of his hotel and began to walk.   
Try as he might he couldn't shake his melancholy mood and with every step it seemed to grow. It was going to be a long walk.


	4. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fanfiction has a prologue chapter, six regular chapters, and then three alternate endings labeled "Ending 1: Bill", "Ending 2: Tom", and "Ending 3". Bill and Tom contain character deaths.

The night was cold, piercingly so, but Bill walked without feeling it. All he could see was a gray blur before him and his ears were filled with the sound of the slow _thup-thup-thup_ of his boots on the pavement. He shed his hat and sunglasses, not worried about recognition on the deserted streets. Sirens wailed in the distance and the streetlights cast an eerie orange glow over everything, and Bill became lost in his thoughts. How had everything disintegrated so quickly? When did the band's love of music devolved into a love of money and lust for fame? 

Papers and trash skittered across the pavement in front of him, blown by a slight breeze, and the international star became aware of the true poverty and destitution that surrounded him. Down alleyways were homeless men, sleeping under blankets of newspapers and in houses of cardboard. Thievery, drug-dealing, drunkenness, hunger, homelessness. It was everywhere around him, pains that he had never had to know. He'd lived a pampered life, surrounded by  caretakers, with all the possessions and luxuries he could ever want. But for what? _No one really cares about the music,_ he thought to himself. _I'm not an idol because of my thinking, my ideas, my poetry. I'm an idol because of how I look, how I dress. And maybe the fact that I can sing. But that's nothing to be so proud of._

As he walked through the dimly lit, haunted city streets, Bill's thoughts grew only darker. This wasn't what he wanted, it hadn't ever been. The dream was to sing, to create, to be an artist. Not to inspire crazy fangirls to build shrines to him and fawn over him. Not to be rich but to be happy. And he wasn't. Like this, he knew he never would be. 

As he thought, he grew angrier and angrier. Angry that his friends had sold out for fame and women. Angry that the music was only a tool for fame. He kicked an old pop can and it skittered down the sidewalk in front of him. Bill was furious to the point of tears. "It's pointless!" he shouted at the sky. "None of this shit matters!"  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A light rain started to fall and it soothed his mind as it sprinkled down onto his face.  He took another deep breath and kept walking, more slowly now.

Things had spiraled out of control within the band as they started to gain fame, and they were no longer a family, but business partners. He'd done his share, put his heart and soul into the songs they sang, and now the rest of the band was living up the high life. But it wasn't what Bill wanted. He wanted freedom, not to be under the constant watch of the media and the press, and all the fans. He wanted to sing, to live. Not to live shackled to concert dates and interviews. _Everything's been set in motion now,_ he thought. _We're famous, each of us. They'd still be famous without me. They'd they'd really get along fine if I happened to disappear._

Bill stopped in his tracks, brow furrowed. What the hell was he thinking? Sure, life was a pain in the ass, but did it warrant those kinds of thoughts? Of course not, ridiculous. He kept walking toward his hotel, nervously laughing off the dark thoughts, but as he fell silent again, still they lingered. He used a side entrance to avoid front desk personnel and walked up to his and Tom's plush hotel room. He tossed the card key onto the room's table and then flopped down on the bed on his back. Lightning flashed through the sliding glass door as he stared at the ceiling, with a dark cloud growing slowly in his mind. Somewhere in the distance, thunder rolled.


	5. 4

The tinny sound of a cell phone echoed in the dark room. Bill moved for the first time in hours, looking at it. He hadn't been asleep, though he hadn't really been awake either. He'd been laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking. The phone went quiet as he looked at it, and the backlight switched off, leaving the ghosted image of the screen dancing before his eyes in the dark. Then the phone lit up again, ringing persistently. The last thing he wanted was to talk to anyone but figuring it would be Tom he knew he'd have to answer, otherwise he'd worry his twin. He reached over and grabbed it, flipping it open and putting it to his ear. "Hello," he said, but the rasp of his voice surprised him. He cleared his throat and tried again, saying louder, "Hello."

"Bill? It's Tom," came his twin's voice over a loud background noise of techno music and too many voices.

"Hey," said Bill. He tried to keep the gloominess out of his voice but he acted enough for the day. "What's up?" he asked, uninterested.

"Did you make it back to the hotel ok?" Tom asked. His words were slightly slurred. He was drunk.

"Yeah," Bill said. About three hours ago, he added mentally, rolling his eyes.

"Good!" Tom laughed. "Listen," he continued cheerfully. "We're not going to be back until late, so no need to wait up for us."

"Yeah, ok," Bill sighed. He just wanted to hang up and go back to laying there in silence with only the echoes of city noise and thunder reaching his ears through the patio door glass.

"Ok, you have fun without us," Tom laughed harder. Bill could hear Georg and Gustav in the background too. Obviously they were all having the time of their lives. Without me, Bill noted dully. He'd long since given up trying to keep such thoughts out of his head, because they only kept coming back. There was a click on the other end and the line went dead. Bill tossed his phone to the floor and stared at the ceiling again, then sat up. In the mirror that was hanging on the wall across from the bed, he caught sight of his reflection. The left half of his face was bathed in the orange glow of the city lights shining in through the glass, while the right was shrouded in shadow. His spiky hair created a thorny black halo around his face and his makeup from the show had run down his cheeks. Was it from the rain? Or had he been crying? He couldn't remember. His twin's voice rang in his head and he thought about how not too long ago, Tom had been able to tell if anything was bothering Bill, even if it wasn't evident in his voice. Those days though were apparently over.

That's right, Bill thought to himself. They're off having fun. It made him angry, not that they were enjoying a good time without him but that Tom hadn't at least noticed something was wrong. Bill stood and stepped out onto the patio in the rain, leaning on the railing and staring out at the city lights, brooding. Thunder crackled overhead and street noise drifted up to him, and he felt emptier than he ever had. The dark cloud in his mind was growing and he looked down at the ground. He was pretty high off the ground on his balcony, and it occurred to him that a fall from this height would be crippling if not fatal.  
He recoiled from the railing, startled at his own thoughts, but then leaned onto it again, letting his fear melt away. Would it really be so horrible? The band had proved that they could get along without him fine. Even if they never sold another CD, they had enough money to live the rest of their lives comfortably.

No, Bill thought. I couldn't just leave them, especially Tom. But he glanced back into the room to where his phone lay on the floor, and his previous conversation with his brother rang in his head. He looked back out to the city, to the ground far below him, and then turned his head upward, seeing the rest of the hotel building stretch upwards above him.

The feelings and thoughts of the past evening flooded his mind and drowned logic. He'd done his part, played his role, and now it was over. The band was on the road to success, and nothing would stop it. But he didn't want to stay around and let himself be caught up in the lust and love of fame that had stolen his friends from him.

He turned back inside, shed his coat and headed for the door to the hallway. Suddenly, his phone began to ring. He stopped at the door, hand on the knob and debated whether or not to answer it. It continued ringing as he pondered, then fell silent. He held is breath and as he expected, it began ringing again. He turned slowly, bent, and picked it up. It was Tom again. He flipped it open.

"Hello?" he said. His voice was quiet and resigned.

"Bill?" Tom asked.

"Yeah," said Bill, carefully keeping his voice emotionless.

"We've changed our plans because of the rain, we're just going to come back to the hotel. But… what's wrong?" Tom, though still slightly drunk seemed genuinely concerned.

"Nothing," Bill said. "See you when you get back."

Tom paused. Then, "Ok… See you soon, Bill."

"Bye, Tom," Bill said blankly. Then he closed the phone and dropped it again, walking out the door. He looked back at it for the briefest second. "Goodbye," he said again, quietly. And then he closed the door behind him.


	6. 5

Tom stared at the closed phone in his hand. Logical, concerned thoughts were working their way through his beer-buzzed stupor. "Something's wrong," he said, brow furrowed, staring at the phone. Then, to his band mates, "Guys, something's wrong." They both just laughed but Tom grabbed Georg's arm and shook it slightly. "No, seriously, something's wrong with Bill."

The drunken grin slid off Gustav's face and a bit of clarity returned to his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I just called him, he would hardly talk to me," Tom's sobriety was slowly returning as his concern grew.

"Maybe he's just tired," Georg shrugged.

"No, no, it was more than that," Tom insisted. "I'm really worried."  
Georg and Gustav looked at each other. Tom was the older twin by ten minutes and took his duties as a big brother very seriously. He always looked out for Bill, so when he said admitted that he was genuinely worried about his twin, the two other band mates knew to take it seriously. Georg went to grab their coats and Georg flipped out his phone. "I'll call the limo."

The three fought their way through the crowd of girls pleading them to stay, saying hurried goodbyes and heading for the door, and finally, they were out into the night as the rain came down softly over the city.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ten flights of stairs down, thirty, maybe forty to go, and he was climbing quickly. Bill moved as though he was in dream. His mind was blank but for the determination to keep climbing upwards. His legs began to ache from the combined stress of the show earlier that day, walking home from the club, and now climbing the stairs, but it was a dull pain, and roar of determination that now flooded his mind drowned it out easily. What was pain? Did it matter? Bill didn't think so. But then, he reconsidered, maybe it did. It was, after all, pain that had led him to this decision. But strangely, at the moment, he didn't feel any pain at all, not in his legs, nor in his heart. All he could feel was a cold determination, a voice telling him to keep taking one more step at a time. _Keep climbing, Billa, it said. Keep climbing and this will all be over._

Did he really want to do this? 

_Yes,_ he answered himself, pushing the thought away. _No fear, no doubts, this is it._ He didn't want to turn back now, he wouldn't. What would he have to return to? What hadn't he done in his life? He was a star; he'd made millions and spent the best years of his life with his friends and brother, until they'd turned into sell-outs. What more could he ask for? He'd had his moment in the spotlight, things would only go downhill from there. He was already miserable. If all the fame, the money, the music, or even being with his friends wouldn't bring him happiness, he had no idea what could. He didn't want to stick around and wait to find out. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We need to go back to the hotel, NOW," Gustav told their chauffeur as the three climbed into the back of the limo. As the closed the door it took off, but the traffic flow in the city was slow and having driven halfway across town to go to the party they'd been at, the trip was agonizingly long and slow.

Tom stared blankly out the window, his foot tapping impatiently on the limo floor. Georg and Gustav traded looks once again. Georg looked at Tom and asked, "What exactly did he say, Tom?"

Tom looked impatient. "He hardly said anything, that's the thing. But it was in his voice. Something was wrong." He shook his head, thinking about the conversation. "And he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, because I asked, but he wouldn't say. So there's definitely something wrong." Georg and Gustav knew better than to doubt Tom or Bill's twin feelings so they didn't protest. 

"I'm sure everything's fine," Gustav said. He patted Tom's shoulder reassuringly. "Bill always knows how to get by, Tom." Suddenly Tom's eyes widened and he looked round at his two friends in panic.

"'Bye, Tom,' he said. 'Bye, Tom.' Not 'see you later,' or 'see you soon,' or 'later,' just 'Bye.'" Tom's face drained of blood. "He never says goodbye like that. He never says goodbye!" 

The other two boys' eyes widened too as they realized what Tom was implying. 

Gustav turned to the driver. "Can't you go any faster?!"

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Step, step, step up the concrete staircases. All he could hear were his footsteps echoing in the stairwell. Here, he was isolated from the city, from the prying eyes of curious fans, from the watchful gaze of his brother. Step, step, step.

Bill pushed his doubts and fears out of his head. No more questioning. His mind was made up. This was the end. _One last finale, one last show._ He'd reached a door that said "Roof  Restricted Access". But the building was old, the lock on the door weak. With a swift kick, it swung open easily and the night air hit him like the first breath after coming up from underwater. 

The rain came down steadily, making his makeup run even more as he walked straight across the roof to the opposite edge. Standing there, he gripped the concrete barrier for a moment, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, savoring the breeze of fresh air that could only be reached on the roof and the cool sensation of the rain on his face. _One more performance,_ he thought to himself. He opened his eyes and braced his armed against the concrete, setting one boot on the ledge. _One more round of applause_. He heaved himself up into a standing position. He could see for miles  it was a collage of light and sound. From here, the city was at his command. "One more encore," he said quietly. "Thank you, city lights, you've been a great crowd."


	7. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here, there are three alternate endings. (I.E. THE NEXT THREE CHAPTERS DON'T ALL HAPPEN / ARE NOT CHRONOLOGICAL)  
> You have three choices:
> 
> Ending 1: Bill  
> Ending 2: Tom  
> Ending 3
> 
> "Bill" and "Tom" contain major character deaths.

If Bill had been looking down, he might have noticed the shape of a limousine weaving as best it could through traffic and drawing ever closer to the base of the building that held up the roof he was standing on. But Bill wasn't looking down, not just then, he was looking out, past the lights, past the cascade of sound, to the horizon. His last night.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Inside the limo, the tension was easily apparent. Tom was as white as a sheet, clutching onto the edges of the seat, his eyes darting around as he looked out each window. He was trying to gauge how close they were getting to the hotel but it was impossible to tell. All he could see around him were head and taillights. Georg and Gustav sat across from him, looking nearly as concerned as the older twin was. 

Gustav's hands beat out a quick, anxious beat on the upholstery - he couldn't help it, his hands were always moving, especially when he was nervous. Georg lounged back in the seat, to anyone else he'd have looked coldly unfazed by the situation, but his friends, if they were looking, would've noticed how every muscle was tense. His brow was furrowed and his mouth draw into a frown as he stared at the floor. The last of the beer buzz was draining away from all three.

The street outside was noisy as they made their way with aching slowness through the crowded streets of the city. Inside the limo though, it was quiet - that full, thick quiet, when everything else outside was dulled out. The only sound was Gustav's drumming, and with every beat Tom's nails dug further into the upholstery of the seat. A horn blared behind them and Tom's demeanor broke.

 _"Scheisse!"_ he shouted, snapping Georg and Gustav out of their blank stares. He banged on the Plexiglas separator between them and the driver. "Can't you get there faster? We need to get to Bill, now!" The driver could only shrug. The limousine's maneuverability was highly limited and traffic was terrible anyway. He could only move along at a crawl. 

"Tom," Georg said quietly, but Gustav interrupted, struck by a sudden idea.

"The skylight!" he exclaimed. 

The other two looked at him blankly as he dove for the controls of the skylight, opening the cover and then the window itself. Comprehension dawned in his friends as he stood up, pushing his entire upper body out of the small window. He leaned as far as he could, trying to see around buildings. "I can't quite - Wait!"

"What, Gustav, what?" Georg asked, his voice growing increasingly louder.

"Are we close?" asked Tom, his voice contrastingly growing more quiet.

Gustav strained to see around buildings and distinguish lights from other lights. "Wait - Yes! There it is!" He dropped back down through the window. "It's within walking distance, go, go, go!" He pushed his friends toward the door. 

Tom, Georg, and Gustav tumbled out of the limousine, just barely closing the door behind them, and ran through traffic to the angry shouts and honks of many drivers and their cars, to the sidewalk. Without a word, they ran toward the lights of their hotel. Gustav was ahead for a while, more oriented to the location of the hotel, but as soon as he recognized it, Tom pulled ahead. "Billa!" he shouted as they ran.

Back in the empty limo, rain dripped like tears through the still open skylight.

 

\------------------------------------------------

 

Maybe it was a twin thing, or maybe there'd been an unnatural momentary silence in the cacophony of the city that has allowed him to hear it, but Bill heard Tom calling his name, or his nickname. It barely registered though. Everything had become a blur. Sound, light, and color all melded together into one. It was an assault on Bill's senses as his ears rang and his eyes watered  maybe he was crying, or maybe the lights were blinding him. All he knew was that with one step, it would all stop. But he was frozen.

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

Tom, Georg, and Gustav burst through the prestigious hotel's main doors, and bolted for the elevator. Tom jammed his thumb to the button, and with a soft _ding_ that seemed to be mocking their seriousness, they heard the cables start to pull. Gustav's foot tapped on the floor and Georg's arm was straight out, braced against the wall as though he was getting ready to push off and run. Tom was pacing rapidly and the sound of the elevator that never seemed to arrive was infuriating. "THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG!" he shouted and took off for the stairs, followed immediately by Georg and Gustav and leaving a small group of startled and slightly offended hotel-goers in the lobby behind him. The elevator _dinged_ again and slowly opened as the door to the stairwell closed.

They dashed up the stairs to the fourth floor and ran down the hall to their door. 

"Bill!" Tom shouted as he hammered on the door, waking up half the floor. 

"The key," Gustav said in a shaky panic. "Tom, the key!" 

Tom kept hammering on the door and shouting his twin's name as his fished around in his pocket for the key to their room. He pulled it out and started to fumble with it, attempting to fit it into the lock but panic was overcoming him. 

"Give it," Georg said, taking it from Tom and gently pushing him out of the way. Tom hardly noticed, banging on the door.

"Billa!" he shouted, and now people started to poke their heads into the hall, annoyed and upset at being woken.

Gustav's voice cracked slightly as he too called out, "Bill?"

Georg got the door unlocked and turned the knob. Tom slammed the door the rest of the way open, rushing into the room he and Tom shared. The beds were still made, their clothes neatly put away, and his twin was markedly absent. Gustav checked the bathroom, and came out without comment. Tom froze. The room was cold and Tom noticed the sliding glass door to the patio was open. Rain was dripping in slowly, dampening the carpet, and the orange light of the city poured in onto the floor. 

"His phone," Georg said quietly, holding it out to Tom after he retrieved it from where it had been dropped near the door. 

Tom barely glanced at it before he very slowly advanced toward the patio, afraid of what he would find. Georg and Gustav looked at each other with a concerned glance and followed him. 

"Billa?" Tom said, his voice now barely more than a whisper. "Bill?" a little louder. He stepped out onto the patio, from which Bill was also absent. Tom's eyes darted wildly across the lights of the buildings in front of him and suddenly there came the blare of a siren, not far off between the buildings but startlingly close. They all grasped the railing and looked straight down, gasping at the site of four police cruisers parked in a semi-circle below their balcony. Some cops worked with yellow tape, sealing off a perimeter around the cars. The three boys stared, but in the lights they couldn't see anything like what they feared they might a body. 

Tom slowly registered that a group of police standing within the semi-circle were staring at him and his friends and for a moment, he was confused. Then a spotlight switched on and hit the building a few floors up. _Not at us,_ Tom registered with increasing panic, _over our heads_. The same thought must have gone through his friends' heads too, for at that moment, each of them turned around and looked straight up the side of the building.

Cold rain mixed with warm tears on Tom's face as he screamed.

_"BILL!"_


	8. Ending 1: Bill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Ending 1.
> 
> Contains lyrics from "Don't Jump" by Tokio Hotel.

It was hard to see anything from his angle as Tom leaned back as far as he could, staring up the side of building. It had to have been at least thirty stories, far too far for him to see anything but Tom felt like he could see the shadowy shape of his twin, standing at the edge of the roof. "Billa, Bill, little brother, Bill…" he whispered, tears streaming from his eyes. His whole body shook tensely, but he couldn't move.  
  
On either side of him, Gustav and Georg also stood motionless. George's eyes were wide and concerned, his mouth gaping slightly open. Gustav's hands were shaking and tears slid down his face. Somewhere below them, a siren rang out again and it was that piercing shriek that broke the boys from their frozenness.   
  
Tom launched forward away from the railing, darting through the sliding glass door and back through the room, followed immediately by his two friends. They tore back through the door and into the hallway where some other hotel patrons, woken by the sirens, were milling about in a highly confused state. Tom dove right, but Georg and Gustav stopped.  
  
"Tom! The elevator! It's this way!" Georg yelled after him, motioning to the left of their room, but if Tom heard him, he gave no sign. He pushed irritated people out of the way as he bolted for the stairs. "Tom!" Georg shouted again, frustrated.  
  
Gustav was in a near state of panic, tears still coming down his cheeks. "Tom, you'll never make… you're crazy!" he shouted. He was shaking and shifting his weight from foot to foot. "You're crazy, Bill's… this is all… fucking crazy!"  
  
"Gustav," Georg quickly put a steadying hand on his friend's shoulder and tugged him back toward the left, "Gustav, it's ok, we'll take the elevator, come on." Gustav's eyes were wild but they calmed slightly and he nodded, but didn't move. "COME ON!" Georg grabbed Gustav's arm and started dragging him and in a moment they were both sprinting for the elevator.   
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Tom didn't hear the people around him, protesting loudly. He didn't feel them as he shoved through them. There was no thought in his head but the stairs, the stairs that would take him straight up toward where his brother was, standing on the edge of the roof of a thirty-story building.   
He slammed bodily against the cold metal of the push-handle of the stairwell door, forcing it open so hard it slammed against the opposite wall but by that time he was already halfway up the first half-flight of stairs. "Not my brother, not my Bill," he repeated to himself as he began the long climb.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------  
  
Georg jammed his finger to the call button for the elevator while Gustav shook, pacing. Georg was still, staring at the door to the elevator as though by staring it would come faster. Gustav reached over and hit the button several more times. "Bill, what the hell, what the hell," he was muttering to himself. "What the…  _scheisse_ … what the hell is he thinking!?" His voice had grown louder and louder until he was shouting.  
  
Georg's voice was quieter, calmer, but it shook. "I don't…" Then in barely a whisper, "I don't know." Georg suddenly slammed a fist into the wall next to the elevator door.  _Bill was always the happiest out of all of us… He was the light, he was the life of our music… Have we really been so blind?_  The elevator cables whirred with horrible slowness behind the closed doors.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Bill felt like he was in an entirely different world. Far below he saw the red and blue flashes of police lights, but he knew there was nothing they'd be able to do. At this height, nothing would slow him enough to save his life. That was what he wanted.   
  
The air was growing colder and the rain became slightly lighter. Updrafts from the wind hitting the side of the building were blowing through his hair, occasionally threatening to throw him off balance and take him before he was ready.  
  
Bill didn't know what he was waiting for anymore. But for the first time in a long time, he felt like he was truly free.   
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
 _Thup, thup, thup, thup, thup,_  in rapid succession the stairs went by, matched by the rapid beating of Tom's heart. His legs ached and his lungs burned but he couldn't stop. If he stopped, Bill would die, and if Bill died, Tom would too. He wasn't himself without his little brother, his other half, his twin.  _Not my Bill, not my Billa, not my brother_  he kept repeating to himself. He clenched his teach and kept running. "BILL!" he screamed as he pushed himself to run faster.  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Hours were passing as they waited for the elevator. At least that's what the long minute or so felt like. With a soft  _ding_  the doors finally opened and within an instant, Georg and Gustav were inside. Georg jammed the button of the highest number he could find and prayed that no one else would call the elevator to stop on the way up. He clutched onto the metal railing that ran along the inside of the elevator, his knuckles turning white at his grip. Gustav still looked like he was panicking, his eyes darting around, and finally alighting on Georg.  
  
Gustav shook his head. "Georg… why? What did we do wrong?" Gustav's voice cracked as he searched his friend for an answer.   
  
Georg could only bite his lip and shake his head. "I don't know," he whispered.   
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It's strange, the way it's possible to feel when you're getting higher up inside a building, even when you don't have any windows to see out of. Tom was getting closer to the top, he knew it. He could feel the altitude in his body. His body was screaming in agony, wanting to double over, collapse, fall back down all the stairs he'd just climbed but Tom pushed himself still harder. "Bill!" he shouted again, and it reverberated back at him much more strongly than it had before. He was nearing the top.   
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Somewhere behind him, Bill heard a faint, resounding echo of his name. Something inside him told him that this should worry him – that he should make a move before anyone saw him. But the rest of him was entirely calm. He was free, he had the choice here, no matter who would find him. He could be off the ledge the second they took a step too close. The air, colder still, had turned the light rain into softly falling snowflakes. Bill was only in a short sleeved shirt, but he only barely registered the cold. In a few moments, he heard the echo again, much louder now, and his eyes widened slightly.  
  
"Tom?"  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Tom could see the door, and vaguely noted a broken padlock a few steps down from it. He again threw himself bodily at the door, tumbling through as it, being broken, swung forward easily.   
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Bill heard the door slam open behind him and he froze entirely, every muscle tensed and poised. Footsteps ran toward him, but slowed before they became a threat. Then came the voice.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Tom burst onto the roof, stumbling, and regained his balance, seeing his twin standing on the ledge just forty feet ahead of him. He ran, before the more logical part of his brain told him to slow down. He came almost to a stop, ten feet behind his twin.   
  
His eyes were wide and his voice shook as he whispered, "Bill?"  
  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The wait as the elevator drifted ever so slowly upward was more excruciating than the wait for it to get there in the first place. Many tense moments feeling like days passed before the elevator slowed and stopped, took a horribly long time to settle itself, and finally with a  _ding_  and a swish, opened its doors again. Georg and Gustav were out of it like a shot, racing for the stairwell. Gustav reached it first and slammed against the door but it didn't give – there was a lock on it and not an old one. A highly more secure, strong lock than the one Bill had had to break to get onto the roof from inside the stairwell. " _Scheisse_!" Georg shouted, as he and Gustav both started kicking with all their power at the lock.  
  
More obstacles. More angry, woken hotel guests. Less time to get to Bill. And time was running out.  
  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
 _On top of the roof,_  
 _the air is so cold and so calm._  
  
A wind swept between the twins as they stood, Bill still facing outward, Tom staring at his back.  
  
 _I say your name in silence,_  
 _you don't want to hear it right now._  
  
Tom shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "Bill," a little louder this time, but his twin didn't respond.  
  
 _The eyes of the city_  
 _are counting the tears falling down,_  
  
Small tear drops leapt from Bill's eyes as he stared outward blankly, Tom's voice echoing but not registering in his head.  
  
 _each one a promise_  
 _of everything you've never found._  
  
Bill shook his head, remembering why he was standing where he was, feeling the most agonizing pain within his heart. Through gritted teeth he whispered, "I have to."  
  
 _I scream into the night for you,_  
  
"Bill!" Tom shouted. "No, no, Bill! No!"  
  
 _don't make it true,_  
  
"Not like this!" Tom wept. "Please! We can get through this!"  
  
 _don't jump._  
  
"Bill, Billa, my little brother, please!"  
  
 _The lights will not guide you through,_  
  
Through his tears, everything Bill could see was a splash of light and color.  
  
 _they're deceiving you,_  
  
"This is the only way, Tom," Bill whispered. "The only way." He turned around to face his twin.  
  
 _don't jump!_  
  
"Bye, Tom."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
But it was too late.


	9. Ending 2: Tom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Ending 2.
> 
> Contains lyrics from "Don't Jump" by Tokio Hotel.

It was hard to see anything from his angle as Tom leaned back as far as he could, staring up the side of building. It had to have been at least thirty stories, far too far for him to see anything but Tom felt like he could see the shadowy shape of his twin, standing at the edge of the roof. "Billa, Bill, little brother, Bill…" he whispered, tears streaming from his eyes. His whole body shook tensely, but he couldn't move.

On either side of him, Gustav and Georg also stood motionless. George's eyes were wide and concerned, his mouth gaping slightly open. Gustav's hands were shaking and tears slid down his face. Somewhere below them, a siren rang out again and it was that piercing shriek that broke the boys from their frozenness.

Tom launched forward away from the railing, darting through the sliding glass door and back through the room, followed immediately by his two friends. They tore back through the door and into the hallway where some other hotel patrons, woken by the sirens, were milling about in a highly confused state. Tom dove right, but Georg and Gustav stopped.

"Tom! The elevator! It's this way!" Georg yelled after him, motioning to the left of their room, but if Tom heard him, he gave no sign. He pushed irritated people out of the way as he bolted for the stairs. "Tom!" Georg shouted again, frustrated.

Gustav was in a near state of panic, tears still coming down his cheeks. "Tom, you'll never make… you're crazy!" he shouted. He was shaking and shifting his weight from foot to foot. "You're crazy, Bill's… this is all… fucking crazy!"

"Gustav," Georg quickly put a steadying hand on his friend's shoulder and tugged him back toward the left, "Gustav, it's ok, we'll take the elevator, come on." Gustav's eyes were wild but they calmed slightly and he nodded, but didn't move. "COME ON!" Georg grabbed Gustav's arm and started dragging him and in a moment they were both sprinting for the elevator.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tom didn't hear the people around him, protesting loudly. He didn't feel them as he shoved through them. There was no thought in his head but the stairs, the stairs that would take him straight up toward where his brother was, standing on the edge of the roof of a thirty-story building.  
He slammed bodily against the cold metal of the push-handle of the stairwell door, forcing it open so hard it slammed against the opposite wall but by that time he was already halfway up the first half-flight of stairs. "Not my brother, not my Bill," he repeated to himself as he began the long climb.

\----------------------------------------------------

Georg jammed his finger to the call button for the elevator while Gustav shook, pacing. Georg was still, staring at the door to the elevator as though by staring it would come faster. Gustav reached over and hit the button several more times. "Bill, what the hell, what the hell," he was muttering to himself. "What the… scheisse… what the hell is he thinking!?" His voice had grown louder and louder until he was shouting.

Georg's voice was quieter, calmer, but it shook. "I don't…" Then in barely a whisper, "I don't know." Georg suddenly slammed a fist into the wall next to the elevator door. Bill was always the happiest out of all of us… He was the light, he was the life of our music… Have we really been so blind? The elevator cables whirred with horrible slowness behind the closed doors.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill felt like he was in an entirely different world. Far below he saw the red and blue flashes of police lights, but he knew there was nothing they'd be able to do. At this height, nothing would slow him enough to save his life. That was what he wanted.

The air was growing colder and the rain became slightly lighter. Updrafts from the wind hitting the side of the building were blowing through his hair, occasionally threatening to throw him off balance and take him before he was ready.

Bill didn't know what he was waiting for anymore. But for the first time in a long time, he felt like he was truly free.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thup, thup, thup, thup, thup, in rapid succession the stairs went by, matched by the rapid beating of Tom's heart. His legs ached and his lungs burned but he couldn't stop. If he stopped, Bill would die, and if Bill died, Tom would too. He wasn't himself without his little brother, his other half, his twin. Not my Bill, not my Billa, not my brother he kept repeating to himself. He clenched his teach and kept running. "BILL!" he screamed as he pushed himself to run faster.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours were passing as they waited for the elevator. At least that's what the long minute or so felt like. With a soft ding the doors finally opened and within an instant, Georg and Gustav were inside. Georg jammed the button of the highest number he could find and prayed that no one else would call the elevator to stop on the way up. He clutched onto the metal railing that ran along the inside of the elevator, his knuckles turning white at his grip. Gustav still looked like he was panicking, his eyes darting around, and finally alighting on Georg.

Gustav shook his head. "Georg… why? What did we do wrong?" Gustav's voice cracked as he searched his friend for an answer.

Georg could only bite his lip and shake his head. "I don't know," he whispered.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

It's strange, the way it's possible to feel when you're getting higher up inside a building, even when you don't have any windows to see out of. Tom was getting closer to the top, he knew it. He could feel the altitude in his body. His body was screaming in agony, wanting to double over, collapse, fall back down all the stairs he'd just climbed but Tom pushed himself still harder. "Bill!" he shouted again, and it reverberated back at him much more strongly than it had before. He was nearing the top.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere behind him, Bill heard a faint, resounding echo of his name. Something inside him told him that this should worry him – that he should make a move before anyone saw him. But the rest of him was entirely calm. He was free, he had the choice here, no matter who would find him. He could be off the ledge the second they took a step too close. The air, colder still, had turned the light rain into softly falling snowflakes. Bill was only in a short sleeved shirt, but he only barely registered the cold. In a few moments, he heard the echo again, much louder now, and his eyes widened slightly.

"Tom?"

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tom could see the door, and vaguely noted a broken padlock a few steps down from it. He again threw himself bodily at the door, tumbling through as it, being broken, swung forward easily.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill heard the door slam open behind him and he froze entirely, every muscle tensed and poised. Footsteps ran toward him, but slowed before they became a threat. Then came the voice.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tom burst onto the roof, stumbling, and regained his balance, seeing his twin standing on the ledge just forty feet ahead of him. He ran, before the more logical part of his brain told him to slow down. He came almost to a stop, ten feet behind his twin.

His eyes were wide and his voice shook as he whispered, "Bill?"

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The wait as the elevator drifted ever so slowly upward was more excruciating than the wait for it to get there in the first place. Many tense moments feeling like days passed before the elevator slowed and stopped, took a horribly long time to settle itself, and finally with a ding and a swish, opened its doors again. Georg and Gustav were out of it like a shot, racing for the stairwell. Gustav reached it first and slammed against the door but it didn't give – there was a lock on it and not an old one. A highly more secure, strong lock than the one Bill had had to break to get onto the roof from inside the stairwell. "Scheisse!" Georg shouted, as he and Gustav both started kicking with all their power at the lock.

More obstacles. More angry, woken hotel guests. Less time to get to Bill. And time was running out.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_On top of the roof,_   
_the air is so cold and so calm._

A wind swept between the twins as they stood, Bill still facing outward, Tom staring at his back.

_I say your name in silence,_   
_you don't want to hear it right now._

Tom shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "Bill," a little louder this time, but his twin didn't respond.

_The eyes of the city_   
_are counting the tears falling down,_

Small tear drops leapt from Bill's eyes as he stared outward blankly, Tom's voice echoing but not registering in his head.

_each one a promise_   
_of everything you've never found._

Bill shook his head, remembering why he was standing where he was, feeling the most agonizing pain within his heart. Through gritted teeth he whispered, "I have to."

_I scream into the night for you,_

"Bill!" Tom shouted. "No, no, Bill! No!"

_don't make it true,_

"Not like this!" Tom wept. "Please! We can get through this!"

_don't jump._

"Bill, Billa, my little brother, please!"

_The lights will not guide you through,_

Through his tears, everything Bill could see was a splash of light and color.

_they're deceiving you,_

"This is the only way, Tom," Bill whispered. "The only way."

_don't jump!_

"No!" shouted Tom, taking a step forward. Bill whirled around quickly, keeping his balance impressively and giving his twin a look clearly warning him not to advance again.

_Don't let memories go_   
_of me and you,_

"Billa," Tom pleaded. "Bill, this is me, this is your brother, your twin, listen to me, please!"

_the world is down there out of view._

"Nothing else matters, ok? Forget everything else, everything! It doesn't matter, we can start over, we can live our lives differently, better, I promise!"

_Please don't jump, don't jump!_

"Bill," Tom sobbed. "Bitte, Bill, please!" His voice would only come in a whisper now. "Don't leave me."

_And if all that can't hold you back…_

Bill bit his lip and his brow furrowed – he felt his twin's pain. But he couldn't turn back now. "I'm sorry, Tom." He shifted his weight, leaned back ever so slightly...

But Tom anticipated this movement and lunged forward, one foot on the ledge, reaching for his twin's hand as the younger brother began to fall.

_then I'll jump for you._

With adrenaline-fueled strength, Tom grabbed Bill's arm and pulled with all his might, sending Bill falling back onto the roof of the building.

But his momentum in the opposite direction of yanking Bill back was too great, and Bill rolled over just in time to watch in horror.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He leapt to his feet. But it was too late.


	10. Ending 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Ending 1.
> 
> Contains lyrics from "Don't Jump" by Tokio Hotel.

It was hard to see anything from his angle as Tom leaned back as far as he could, staring up the side of building. It had to have been at least thirty stories, far too far for him to see anything but Tom felt like he could see the shadowy shape of his twin, standing at the edge of the roof. "Billa, Bill, little brother, Bill…" he whispered, tears streaming from his eyes. His whole body shook tensely, but he couldn't move.

On either side of him, Gustav and Georg also stood motionless. George's eyes were wide and concerned, his mouth gaping slightly open. Gustav's hands were shaking and tears slid down his face. Somewhere below them, a siren rang out again and it was that piercing shriek that broke the boys from their frozenness.

Tom launched forward away from the railing, darting through the sliding glass door and back through the room, followed immediately by his two friends. They tore back through the door and into the hallway where some other hotel patrons, woken by the sirens, were milling about in a highly confused state. Tom dove right, but Georg and Gustav stopped.

"Tom! The elevator! It's this way!" Georg yelled after him, motioning to the left of their room, but if Tom heard him, he gave no sign. He pushed irritated people out of the way as he bolted for the stairs. "Tom!" Georg shouted again, frustrated.

Gustav was in a near state of panic, tears still coming down his cheeks. "Tom, you'll never make… you're crazy!" he shouted. He was shaking and shifting his weight from foot to foot. "You're crazy, Bill's… this is all… fucking crazy!"

"Gustav," Georg quickly put a steadying hand on his friend's shoulder and tugged him back toward the left, "Gustav, it's ok, we'll take the elevator, come on." Gustav's eyes were wild but they calmed slightly and he nodded, but didn't move. "COME ON!" Georg grabbed Gustav's arm and started dragging him and in a moment they were both sprinting for the elevator.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tom didn't hear the people around him, protesting loudly. He didn't feel them as he shoved through them. There was no thought in his head but the stairs, the stairs that would take him straight up toward where his brother was, standing on the edge of the roof of a thirty-story building.  
He slammed bodily against the cold metal of the push-handle of the stairwell door, forcing it open so hard it slammed against the opposite wall but by that time he was already halfway up the first half-flight of stairs. "Not my brother, not my Bill," he repeated to himself as he began the long climb.

\----------------------------------------------------

Georg jammed his finger to the call button for the elevator while Gustav shook, pacing. Georg was still, staring at the door to the elevator as though by staring it would come faster. Gustav reached over and hit the button several more times. "Bill, what the hell, what the hell," he was muttering to himself. "What the… scheisse… what the hell is he thinking!?" His voice had grown louder and louder until he was shouting.

Georg's voice was quieter, calmer, but it shook. "I don't…" Then in barely a whisper, "I don't know." Georg suddenly slammed a fist into the wall next to the elevator door. Bill was always the happiest out of all of us… He was the light, he was the life of our music… Have we really been so blind? The elevator cables whirred with horrible slowness behind the closed doors.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill felt like he was in an entirely different world. Far below he saw the red and blue flashes of police lights, but he knew there was nothing they'd be able to do. At this height, nothing would slow him enough to save his life. That was what he wanted.

The air was growing colder and the rain became slightly lighter. Updrafts from the wind hitting the side of the building were blowing through his hair, occasionally threatening to throw him off balance and take him before he was ready.

Bill didn't know what he was waiting for anymore. But for the first time in a long time, he felt like he was truly free.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thup, thup, thup, thup, thup, in rapid succession the stairs went by, matched by the rapid beating of Tom's heart. His legs ached and his lungs burned but he couldn't stop. If he stopped, Bill would die, and if Bill died, Tom would too. He wasn't himself without his little brother, his other half, his twin. Not my Bill, not my Billa, not my brother he kept repeating to himself. He clenched his teach and kept running. "BILL!" he screamed as he pushed himself to run faster.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours were passing as they waited for the elevator. At least that's what the long minute or so felt like. With a soft ding the doors finally opened and within an instant, Georg and Gustav were inside. Georg jammed the button of the highest number he could find and prayed that no one else would call the elevator to stop on the way up. He clutched onto the metal railing that ran along the inside of the elevator, his knuckles turning white at his grip. Gustav still looked like he was panicking, his eyes darting around, and finally alighting on Georg.

Gustav shook his head. "Georg… why? What did we do wrong?" Gustav's voice cracked as he searched his friend for an answer.

Georg could only bite his lip and shake his head. "I don't know," he whispered.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

It's strange, the way it's possible to feel when you're getting higher up inside a building, even when you don't have any windows to see out of. Tom was getting closer to the top, he knew it. He could feel the altitude in his body. His body was screaming in agony, wanting to double over, collapse, fall back down all the stairs he'd just climbed but Tom pushed himself still harder. "Bill!" he shouted again, and it reverberated back at him much more strongly than it had before. He was nearing the top.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere behind him, Bill heard a faint, resounding echo of his name. Something inside him told him that this should worry him – that he should make a move before anyone saw him. But the rest of him was entirely calm. He was free, he had the choice here, no matter who would find him. He could be off the ledge the second they took a step too close. The air, colder still, had turned the light rain into softly falling snowflakes. Bill was only in a short sleeved shirt, but he only barely registered the cold. In a few moments, he heard the echo again, much louder now, and his eyes widened slightly.

"Tom?"

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tom could see the door, and vaguely noted a broken padlock a few steps down from it. He again threw himself bodily at the door, tumbling through as it, being broken, swung forward easily.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill heard the door slam open behind him and he froze entirely, every muscle tensed and poised. Footsteps ran toward him, but slowed before they became a threat. Then came the voice.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tom burst onto the roof, stumbling, and regained his balance, seeing his twin standing on the ledge just forty feet ahead of him. He ran, before the more logical part of his brain told him to slow down. He came almost to a stop, ten feet behind his twin.

His eyes were wide and his voice shook as he whispered, "Bill?"

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The wait as the elevator drifted ever so slowly upward was more excruciating than the wait for it to get there in the first place. Many tense moments feeling like days passed before the elevator slowed and stopped, took a horribly long time to settle itself, and finally with a ding and a swish, opened its doors again. Georg and Gustav were out of it like a shot, racing for the stairwell. Gustav reached it first and slammed against the door but it didn't give – there was a lock on it and not an old one. A highly more secure, strong lock than the one Bill had had to break to get onto the roof from inside the stairwell. "Scheisse!" Georg shouted, as he and Gustav both started kicking with all their power at the lock.

More obstacles. More angry, woken hotel guests. Less time to get to Bill. And time was running out.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_On top of the roof,_   
_the air is so cold and so calm._

A wind swept between the twins as they stood, Bill still facing outward, Tom staring at his back.

_I say your name in silence,_   
_you don't want to hear it right now._

Tom shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "Bill," a little louder this time, but his twin didn't respond.

_The eyes of the city_   
_are counting the tears falling down,_

Small tear drops leapt from Bill's eyes as he stared outward blankly, Tom's voice echoing but not registering in his head.

_each one a promise_   
_of everything you've never found._

Bill shook his head, remembering why he was standing where he was, feeling the most agonizing pain within his heart. Through gritted teeth he whispered, "I have to."

_I scream into the night for you,_

"Bill!" Tom shouted. "No, no, Bill! No!"

_don't make it true,_

"Not like this!" Tom wept. "Please! We can get through this!"

_don't jump._

"Bill, Billa, my little brother, please!"

_The lights will not guide you through,_

Through his tears, everything Bill could see was a splash of light and color.

_they're deceiving you,_

"This is the only way, Tom," Bill whispered. "The only way."

_don't jump!_

"No!" shouted Tom, taking a step forward. Bill whirled around quickly, keeping his balance impressively and giving his twin a look clearly warning him not to advance again.

_Don't let memories go_   
_of me and you,_

"Billa," Tom pleaded. "Bill, this is me, this is your brother, your twin, listen to me, please!"

_the world is down there out of view._

"Nothing else matters, ok? Forget everything else, everything! It doesn't matter, we can start over, we can live our lives differently, better, I promise!"

_Please don't jump, don't jump!_

"Bill," Tom sobbed. "Bitte, Bill, please!" His voice would only come in a whisper now. "Don't leave me."

_I don't know how long_   
_I can hold you so strong,_   
_I don't know how long…_

For a tense moment, neither boy moved. Both were in tears, staring at each other directly in the eyes. Slowly, and almost without realizing he was doing it, Tom held out his hand to his twin.

_Just take my hand,_

"Billa. Bitte."

_give it a chance…_

For another tense moment, they both remained frozen. Then slowly Bill's hand reached out to grasp Tom's.

_Don't jump._

Bill stepped down off the wall, his eyes never leaving his twin's. They stared at each other before embracing each other fiercely.

"Bill, Bill, my little brother, my Billa," Tom sobbed, holding his brother tightly, terrified to let go.

"I'm so sorry," Bill said softly, tears streaming down his face. "I'm so, so sorry."

"We can start over," Tom said. "We can do whatever you want, Bill, we can be happy."

Bill held his twin at arm's length for a moment and looked him in the eyes. "Tom, I've got a band with my two best friends, and the best brother anyone could have. Things might suck a little, and tt might have taken this to make me see it, but I'm lucky. If we can promise that we'll stay this close forever, I am happy."


End file.
